On the airplane back to Burbank, gazing down at the ocean and the shrinking buildings and trees from my window seat, I started to cry. Joy and I had just spent a wonderful weekend with our BFFs - Teri and Caityln. It was Caitlyn's 2nd birthday, and Teri's mom generously paid for our trip to celebrate her special day. Despite minor toy snatching episodes (started by my daughter, of course), the girls got along famously. We spent the weekend watching the silly girls play, while Teri and I talked and talked and talked - about our boys, our husbands, our naughty shopping habits, our girls, our goals, ourselves.
So why was I crying?
Because I would have never met Teri without Ryan. Teri also lost a son - a beautiful little boy with pink, chubby cheeks you couldn't resist pinching and strawberry-blonde hair. We met through MISS (Mothers and Fathers in Support and Sympathy), a website dedicated to bereaved mothers. Her son, Vincent, died a few days before Ryan. First we e-mailed each other, then we started talking on the phone regularly. We became fast friends - two crazy Geminis who love to shop, talk and socialize instead of working.
I'm so happy to have her in my life. But if Ryan didn't die, then we would have never connected. I wouldn't have such a beautiful friend. I wouldn't have had such a fun weekend. And I think about this a lot. I wish I had my beautiful little boy here on earth. I wish I had the life that I dreamed for him, the chance to raise him. I wish that Teri and I both had our sons and our friendship.
We often tell each other that our boys brought us together. Deep down in my heart, I do believe this. Since Ryan couldn't stay, he would ask God to at least give me a friend to understand my pain, to patiently listen to my cries. Someone to get me through the dark days. Someone to make life without him just a little more bearable. Someone who would truly listen when I talked about Ryan. Someone who would make me laugh one day.
And this is why I cried.
Ryan brought me other friends too, who I must mention because I love these people with all my heart:
- Kristin - One of my other BFFs who is the moderator of the local MISS group. I tell her she is my "savior." Savior means "a person who saves people from something." Honestly, she saved me from going crazy, from being a lifeless, shell of a being. I hung on to her words of hope and found comfort in her smiles and giant hugs. Every day I would ask her if I would be happy again, and she promised I would be. She promised me that the sun would shine again. And it did.
- Sylvia - I met Sylvia and her husband at the annual MISS Conference in Arizona the year that Ryan died. They had a little daughter, Dahlia, who died in July 2003. She was their first child too. I remember seeing her posts on the MISS website discussion boards and I approached her, asking if she was Dahlia's mom. We became instant friends. Sylvia shares my love for laughter. She is such a sweet, beautiful person. My husband and I always say that she and her husband are such good people. And good, good people are so hard to find.
